The Necessity for Novelty in Marriage.
There is no such thing as perfect balance in life. The ground frequently shifts and to stay standing requires that we continually adjust.
When it comes to our marriages, there are plenty of things we have to continually try to balance. One of them is finding the balance between stability and novelty, that is, between similar but also new.
We need stability in our lives and especially in our marriages. Stability is what gives us confidence, trust and peace.
Stability is essential if a marriage is going to work. Imagine a relationship where neither partner knew what, where or who there spouse would be tomorrow? It would be terrifying, unpredictable, and absolutely undesirable.
We must have stability for marriage to function, otherwise it’s like trying to build a house on quick sand.
But it’s possible to have too much stability, sameness, or predictability.
It’s true that we all have high needs for stability, but we also want and need to experience new things too.
We want to be surprised.
When nothing ever changes we have almost perfect stability. But this stability will steadily lead to boredom because it neglects our real human need for novelty.
No one loves being in a boring marriage.
If we always eat at the same restaurant it gets boring.
When our daily routines are almost identical from day to day they become tedious.
Love making goes from charming to chore when it’s always the same.
Buying the same gift eliminates any excitement.
And when things become boring, tedious, unexciting or feel like a chore, over time many of us will begin to look outside our marriage to meet our need for novelty.
Infidelity is never justified, but if we’ve allowed our marriages to become stale through excessive stability and sameness, we can, and will be sad, but shouldn’t be surprised when a lover looks elsewhere.
So what do we do? High levels of stability are needed, but perhaps we could all do better at finding ways to inject novelty into our marriages.
We could start by exploring new ideas, foods and activities together.
Thinking of ways to surprise our spouse with a gift, trip, or treat might be the thing to cut through the mundane of daily life.
We must continue to create essential stability in our marriage, but we must equally strive to inject just enough novelty to keep our marriage healthy, exciting, and enjoyable.
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